U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
