There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
