I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize