I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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