It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
