I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
