but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
