i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
