bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
