Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
