Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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