I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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