You're so nebulous sometimes
i was born a porn star she said
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize