Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
