I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
