Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
