Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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