Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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