how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
