My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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