So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
In America we eat man semen.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
