I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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