I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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