we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
cat food counts as protein by the way
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
