Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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