dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
