I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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