Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
if only i could text you this smell
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize