You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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