You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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