I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I could make wine with my vomit
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
