she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
