god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
