I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
