Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
