It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
