Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
