i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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