omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
