If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
