I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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