TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
