You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
