Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
