the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
