My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
