Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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