his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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