how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
