Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
