Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
