Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize