Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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