I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
