The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
