Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
