i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Bang-toberfest begins!!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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