There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
