Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
