Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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