i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
how drunk are you?
Several
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
