I'm jealous of your bromance
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
