I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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