thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
