i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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