I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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