I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
