yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
