I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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