I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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