well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
