I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
