Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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