i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
