I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
