I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
