The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize