So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
