Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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