I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
