I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
